Monday, December 14, 2009

The Gas Man

The Gas Man is the most dangerous man in Italy and he is trying to do evil to me. I will endeavor to explain.

The day I moved into the apartment, Michele, my landlord, warned me never to buzz in a stranger to the lobby downstairs with the intercom. He said people with stuff to sell will push all the doorbell buttons trying to get someone to ring them in and then will wander the building trying to sell their junk and generally make a nuisance of them self. Fairly common-sense advice for anywhere in the world and not out of the ordinary. But he also stressed that it was especially important that I never let in someone claiming to be the Gas Man.

Like the US, people come around each month to read the gas meter to see how much gas you have used so that they can then send the utility bill. However, in Italy, most of the meters are inside apartments (not on an outside wall or in a common utility room) so the Gas Man actually has to come inside to read it. This is the root of the terrible danger.


The Meter!

He told a story about a Gas Man that he had heard from someone he knows who knows somebody else who once heard from a reliable source, etc. Apparently, two university girls were in their apartment when the doorbell rang and a man said he was the Gas Man there to check the meter. They looked out the peephole and saw a man in what looked like the company's uniform so they let him in. But it turned out to be a thief who held them at knife point, robbed the apartment and escaped. At the time of this telling, I have just arrived in Ancona after a 19 hour trip, speak no Italian, have just met this guy who doesn't speak great English who is telling me a story that I may or may not be correctly understanding about a Gas Man who may or may not exist and I am terrified. Upon later reflection I suspect I may have over-reacted to the warning. But still it took me a few weeks to decide to tell Raimondo the story. He laughed and said Michele had told him the same thing when he moved in a couple years ago.

So for the past few weeks we've been creating Gas Man stories. Anything bad that happens or is unexplainable is the fault of the Gas Man. He is a useful character to have available and we've had a good laugh about it. Even Deborah and Alice have started to join in on the joke. No one takes it seriously.

Until a couple weekends ago!

Saturday morning I woke-up to the sound of the door buzzer. I don't know what I was thinking but I went to answer it. Someone speaking Italian asked something but all I caught was Dr. Caruso which is Michele's last name. He maintains an office in the apartment to receive his mail and faxes. Still half asleep and still not understanding the request I just said, "No" and hung-up the intercom and went back to sleep more annoyed than anything. It wasn't until later in the day that I realized I had foiled the clever ruse of the Gas Man trying to get in and commit larceny!

I told Raimondo the story when he returned after the weekend and we both agreed I had had a narrow escape.

Then later that same week, after work, Alice and Deborah left to buy a couple things from the grocery store. A few minutes after they had gone, the door buzzer went off. I assumed they had forgotten something and didn't have their keys. I went to open the door to let them in and as I did I looked out the peep hole.


Raimondo Demonstrating Proper Gas Man Checking Behavior

Standing off to the side was a man in a blue uniform with a clipboard, breathing heavily (maybe because he just walked up five floors or maybe because he was so evil), saying something (probably evil related) in Italian. The Gas Man had made it inside and was at the door!


What A Gas Man May Look Like

I told him no thanks and asked him to leave which he did. Once again, I had foiled the Gas Man and escaped my doom. When everyone came back that night we all agreed that the Gas Man is more clever than ever and we need to be very careful. And even more important, since I'm the only one to have seen or spoken with him, it stands to reason that he is after me. I will remain vigilant.

Perhaps it is just coincidence, or even more likely part of his convoluted, evil plan, but a few days after the latest incident we received a post-card in the mail from the gas company telling us that they had come by to read the meter but had not been successful and we needed to call the automated service with our meter reading.

I wonder what Eric is doing right now.

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