Behave...it's Pasqua!

You know what’s fun? Ok, dumb question. Let’s try this instead. I discovered something else fun to do on Wednesday. You’ll never guess what it is because for you it’s probably not fun it’s just another item on your To Do list, right after “Buy a mop” and just before “Learn to use a mop”. What I discovered was “Buying vacuum cleaner bags”. And here is why it was fun. Adventure.

It all started a little while back when Raimondo put the last bag in the vacuum cleaner and said we needed more. I said we should just vacuum less but that apparently wasn’t an option. Since I work in the middle of town where all the shops are he asked if I could find some. He wasn’t sure which store might have them but they should be easy enough to find. I nodded very enthusiastically while in my mind I was actually planning on where I would buy my next pizza and certainly not thinking about vacuum cleaner bags or buying them.

About a week later he asked if I had had a chance to buy them and I told him I had been very busy (eating gelato) and hadn’t had the chance. In truth I had no idea where to buy them and the few people I had asked at work were as stumped as me and all suggested the same big shop in the suburbs but “Hey, support your local small business!” A day or so later a friend told me there was a hardware store near the pizza restaurant I really like that might have them so I decided to investigate (and have a snack). I found the shop, next to a pet store, who knew there was a pet store in town, but didn’t see any bags but did see some duct tape so I bought a roll of that instead, and had some pizza. When Raimondo asked again if I had bought bags I told him quite proudly that I hadn’t found them but I had found a good slice of pizza, a roll of duct tape and a pet store. He was decidedly unimpressed.

About two weeks ago he came home from work and told me he found a shop that sold the bags, the shop was barely twenty meters from my office, had ordered them and they would be available the next day and would I please pick them up. I said yes. I completely forgot. A few days passed and still I forgot even though one night we walked right by the shop which Raimondo pointed out to me and told me now I would know exactly where to go TOMORROW to pick up the bags. You bet.

Now the truth is, part of my hesitation in going to the shop was that I didn’t know what the Italian word for vacuum cleaner bags was and even if I did know it, I had no idea how I was going to explain to the shop-keeper that my roommate had ordered bags from her a couple weeks ago and I was there to pick them up, especially since when he ordered them, the store didn’t take down any of his information to connect with the order so essentially I would be saying, “A couple weeks ago you took an order from a skinny, bald Italian guy for some vacuum cleaner bags and I’m here to pick them up now. Please.” I could have figured out how to say this but I knew it would lead to lots of other words from the shop-keeper and these would be words that I wouldn’t know the meaning of or the proper response to. Between doing that or eating some pizza I kept choosing pizza. And if you think I’m being silly, put yourself in my shoes (or keep your own, your choice), pick a language you don’t know, any language (Hebrew is fun), now go! That’s what I thought.

Ok. I’m out of excuses and the time has come. Wednesday after work, I look up the word for vacuum cleaner bags which is “sacchetti per l’aspirapolvere” (it wouldn’t be something simple like ‘bags per dirt’ would it) and head to the shop muttering the word quietly over and over. You have to practice the new word out loud. If you say it only in your head, the first time you say it allowed your mouth and ears will rebel against your mind for foisting these new sounds on them, freak out and shut down, rendering you practically mute which does you no good if you happen to be trying to speak with someone at the time. The downside to this is you sound like a possessed idiot walking across Piazza Roma.

I reach the shop, step in, greet the shop-keeper (so far so good!) and ask for sacchetti per l’aspirapolvere or a reasonable approximation of the word (well done young man). I’ve decided simply to ask for the bags and skip trying to explain the rest. Now is when the bags should appear, I hand over some money and exit quietly back the way I came. Instead, she foolishly decides to ask me a question (uh-oh) which I think is something like is my vacuum the upright or a follow-along kind. Poor lady. She should have known better…I understand the question (yay) and I know what kind of vacuum I have (duh), but I have no idea what she called them or which word goes with which type. No problem. Pay attention because I am going to tell you what I have found to be the perfect answer for dealing with this type of situation – I shake my head “No” and say “Si”. At this, the questioner automatically assumes I am an idiot and begins to treat me as such which considering the situation is perfect. She sighs and asks if it’s this one or this one while pointing at two vacuums behind her. I know this one! We settle on the right kind of machine and the right kind of bag (I wrote that down earlier and just give her the piece of paper) and she tells me she’ll have them tomorrow which considering she supposedly ordered the same bags for Raimondo two weeks ago is a little surprising, but I can barely say sacchetti per l’aspirapolvere so who am I to question or complain; I’ll come back tomorrow and thank you very much. I leave the shop quite pleased with myself, report my success to Raimondo and cross my fingers she’ll remember me when I go back because there is no way I am telling her I was in there before and ordered some bags and are they available? See? Adventure!

Oh yeah, also I went to Cesena, Lucca and Pisa last weekend. It was neat.